


Employee Discount

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Condoms, Drabble, Gift Giving, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 16:53:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11993991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jongin buys 100 condoms as a joke. The cashier judges him.





	Employee Discount

The store isn’t super busy at the moment which Jongin is immensely grateful for. He purposely drove out a little further than usual to a Walmart where he’s less likely to find people who recognize him, though it seems he probably didn’t have to worry about all that with how empty the store is. He weaves through nearly vacant aisles with the easy confidence of a fugitive about to be interrogated (which is to say, not very confident at all), and mentally curses at how long it takes him to find the right section.

 

It’s taking so much more time than he has anticipated which shouldn’t be surprising since the layout of this store is totally different from the one near his house. He bears it, wandering around the giant chain store and avoiding shoppers and workers alike because he would rather cut off his own foot than ask for directions. It’s probably not the most efficient way to go about things, but it’s definitely the least embarrassing.

 

Finally, after an unsuccessful trip to the second floor of the place, Jongin finds the sex shelf next to the pharmaceuticals, and casts furtive glances around as he tosses packs of condoms into his basket. He tries to take a few boxes from all the brands so there isn’t a section noticeably empty of condoms, then speedwalks back to the entrance.

 

Due to the lack of customers on a Wednesday afternoon, there are thankfully several checkout stations without lineups, so Jongin heads to the nearest one. The cashier at the counter looks about his age, and as far as Jongin can tell from some distance away, he’s tall, thin, and austere. He seems pretty attractive, and Jongin is curious to see his face up close, but instead, he tugs down his cap and walks looking down at the floor when he gets closer. This purchase is too goddamn embarrassing to make while maintaining eye contact with the cashier as well.

 

“Hi, welcome to Walmart,” the cashier says as Jongin approaches. Jongin looks up, an instinctive reaction to being addressed. Bad mistake. The cashier is hot, like an amalgamation of all the guys Jongin crushed on in high school that were out of his league. Black hair, polite smile, thin lips, thin nose, thin eyes scrunched up slightly at the corners. His name tag reads Sehun.

 

Jongin lifts his basket and sets down all the condom boxes on the conveyor belt before putting it in the small stack at the foot of the magazine stand next to Sehun’s station. As Sehun scans the packs, he gives a low whistle. “You, my friend, may be the most confident person I have ever met,” he says.

 

Jongin flushes immediately. These, uh-” he clears his throat, “these aren’t for me.” He reaches for his wallet, eyes flitting to Sehun’s face as he digs in his pocket. He isn’t laughing at him. That’s good, right?

 

“Sure,” Sehun says easily, polite with just the slightest, most imperceptible tinge of sarcasm. 

 

“No, really,” Jongin says, trying incredibly hard to die on the spot so he won’t have to face that adorable, mocking smile, “these are for a friend.”

 

Sehun snickers (and it’s  _ adorable _ ), and Jongin thinks it’s good he went to a Walmart he never goes to because he’s never coming back to this one for as long as Sehun works here. “Your friend is very lucky to have you,” he says, and it sounds completely genuine. “Your total is $103.80.”

 

“Fuuuck,” Jongin groans quietly. He forgets to be shy in light of spending money, and pleads with an amused looking Sehun. “There has to be some kind of discount for buying a hundred condoms,” he says.

 

Sehun laughs. “Unfortunately, there isn’t, though I can’t imagine why. I’ll tell you what, though. If you give me your number, I’ll give you the employee discount on your next purchase. You will have to text me when you’re making it, though.”

 

Jongin blinks. “Okay. Deal,” he says, like the cheap bastard he is.

 

“Whoa, what? Really?” Sehun asks, like he thinks Jongin made an incredibly stupid decision but is overjoyed at his answer nonetheless. “You’re not even gonna take a second to think about it? I’m a total stranger; I don’t even know your name.”

 

“Yes really. You underestimate the lengths I would go to to save money, dude. And my name is Jongin. Give me your arm so I can write down my number.”

 

Sehun sticks an arm out obligingly, and Jongin writes his number with a store provided pen that should be used to write on receipts. Sehun hasn’t stopped looking amused since Jongin stepped up to the register, and Jongin wonders if Sehun always looks like this, eyes and mouth curved the slightest bit like he knows something he won’t tell anyone. It’s a good look on him despite how mischievous it is, but judging from how attractive he is, Jongin’s willing to bet almost everything is a good look on him.

 

As Jongin wraps up his order and leaves the store, he gets a message from an unknown number.

 

_ Fyi, your number is saved under the name Condom Guy. _

 

He laughs and saves Sehun’s number as Cute Cashier. Then he heads home so he can present the condoms to his roommate, Kyungsoo.

 

~

 

Jongin swings the door open with a flourish, making it bang loudly against the wall and announce his presence. He picked up that habit when he walked in on Kyungsoo and Chanyeol doing it on the couch one day, and because he learns from his mistakes, he made sure he started walking into his flat loudly and with his eyes closed to prevent further incidents. Once is enough.

 

Thankfully, today Kyungsoo and Chanyeol are just watching T.V. when he walks in. They’re snuggled up together on the couch and Chanyeol fits right in even though he doesn’t live there with them. They both turn when he arrives, and Kyungsoo’s genial “Jongin” is drowned out by Chanyeol’s enthusiastic “JONGIN!”, making Jongin giggle as he toes off his shoes and makes his way to the couch.

 

“Hey, guess what I got for your birthday, Soo.”

 

“Is it that new toaster I wanted?” Kyungsoo asked hopefully. He had been hinting at it for the past week or so since his birthday was tomorrow, casually at first, and then aggressively stuffing ads for kitchen appliances under the door of his room. Yesterday, he made Jongin alphabet soup but the only letters in the soup were T, O, A, S, T, E, and R.

 

Jongin shuffles a little guiltily. “Uh, not quite. Guess again.”

 

Chanyeol glances at the plastic Walmart bag Jongin is holding instead. “Did you get Kyungsoo gloves, cotton balls, and bandages too?”

 

Jongin snickers. “Hey, it was Luhan's idea to get you that stuff for your birthday, not mine. Plus it was all useful stuff.”

 

Chanyeol rolls his eyes, smiling. “Really though. What are all these boxes for?” He points to the corners of the condom boxes stretching the cheap plastic, and Jongin suddenly thinks better of it.

 

“Actually, you know what,” he says, “Soo’s birthday is tomorrow anyways, so I’ll just tell you two then.”

 

Chanyeol says “Dude you can’t just-” at the same time Kyungsoo says “Jongin, you fucking tease,” and both of them stop and look at each other, waiting for the other to continue.

 

Jongin shakes his head at the couple and leaves the living room. When he gets to his bedroom, he dumps out all the condoms and stacks them into as coherent a shape as he can manage, tying them into one, wrappable rectangle with a mixture of ribbon and duct tape. It isn’t pretty, but that’s what the wrapping is for, right?

 

Jongin actually really likes giving presents, and he prides himself on giving people personal presents that they’re likely to appreciate. Unfortunately, Kyungsoo never even told him the exact date of his birthday, and he had to find out from Chanyeol when he asked them why he heard them fucking so often all of a sudden. Chanyeol told him they were just getting a day’s head start on the birthday sex, and Jongin gave Kyungsoo a look of such utter betrayal for not telling Chanyeol about his birthday before him that Kyungsoo actually offered to buy him apology chicken.

 

On such short notice, Jongin couldn’t order anything creative or unique online and just decided to get 100 condoms for them so they would stop making a mess every time they fucked in their apartment. The most he could do now is wrap up his gag gift and make Kyungsoo believe it  was actually something nice before he opens it and tries to kill Jongin.

 

~

 

Kyungsoo’s birthday passes like all his other birthdays do: with little fanfare. Chanyeol comes over and they watch movies and eat dinner at a fancy restaurant, but for the most part it just feels like any other day. The only unfortunate thing, for Jongin at least, is that apparently Chanyeol and Kyungsoo only  _ really _ started celebrating at night when Jongin was sleeping in his room.

 

“Kyungsoo my man. My friend, brother, roommate, public enemy number one, buddy, pal. Care to explain why I sat in a puddle of half dried sticky white stuff on the couch?” Jongin asks, standing in the doorway of Kyungsoo's room.

 

Chanyeol winces guiltily from where he’s sitting, shirtless, on Kyungsoo’s bed, but Kyungsoo swivels around in his chair and just glares at Jongin in a way that Jongin is totally desensitized to. “The door to my room was locked,” Kyungsoo says.

 

“I can pick-”

 

“I know, but it was a symbolic gesture. You shouldn’t come inside if you know I don't want you to.”

 

Jongin wants to pout and roll his eyes at the same time. “And you shouldn't have said those exact words to Chanyeol when you two were fucking on the couch or he might not have come all over it. Why were you on the couch and why was there a  _ puddle _ ?” he whines, ignoring Chanyeol’s sudden spluttering and Kyungsoo’s reddening ears.

 

Kyungsoo clears his throat guiltily. “We, uh. We thought my room was too close to yours and doing it there would wake you up… which is why… so we just… sorry.”

 

Jongin whines even more now. “Why didn’t you clean it up? Or use the condoms I bought you?”

 

“We fell asleep. And Chanyeol wanted to save the condoms for water balloon fights.”

 

Chanyeol casts Kyungsoo a betrayed look for revealing that, and his subsequent apologies have Jongin smiling just a little at how profuse they are. 

 

“You’re forgiven this time because you’re usually a good roommate and it’s your birthday. And because Chanyeol is cute,” Jongin says, and Chanyeol poses with a cute smile and the V sign, “but if this happens again, you’re buying us a new couch.”

 

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo both nod emphatically, and Jongin leaves their room satisfied, heading to his own to switch out his pants now. It’s not great that he sat in that mess and now has to change clothes, but he’s never seen Kyungsoo so enthusiastic about a relationship, so he’s happy that Chanyeol is here, even if it means more chaos.

 

Without thinking too far into it, Jongin shoots Sehun a quick message.  _ My friends did it on the couch and left a small pool of semen because they decided to save the condoms for water balloon fights. _

 

He gnaws on his lip as he waits for Sehun to reply, keeping an eye on the phone as struggles with his sweatpants, hopping on one leg. The reply comes a few minutes later.

 

_ Walmart sells this shit called eco absorb thats really good for getting that stuff out. If you’re free rn we can go get some. _

 

Jongin’s fingers can’t type fast enough.  _ Yeah! That would be awesome~ Do you maybe wanna get some coffee afterwards too? _

 

_ Sure.  _ Reads Sehun’s ensuing text. _ It’s a date. _


End file.
